Not a great day 4....

So...I fell off the wagon tonight. The day started well. Breakfast was:

1 pkg. instant cream of wheat, prepared with
2/3 C lactose free skim milk
1/4 C sunflower seeds
2 dried plums
Sassy water

(BTW, you can't fool me, call them what you will, dried plums = prunes.)

Lunch was:

4 oz. turkey breast
1 C steamed carrots
1 reduced fat string cheese
Sassy water

(I had left over turkey from last night, because I didn't really like the deli meat.)

I had decided yesterday that I was going to move my snack (smoothie) from late afternoon to after dinner, because I was feeling really hungry later at night. So I did not have a snack at 4 like I have been.

This is where it all goes down hill....

When I get really stressed out, I sometimes get panic attacks. Things have been really stressful for me the last few weeks, but everything just kind of came down on me tonight. I needed to go to the bank, and the closest branch to my house is about 18 miles away, and I don't really know how to get there. I was already stressed about other things, and when I left to head to the bank, multiple things happened at once. I had parked under a tree, and my windshield was dirty, so I hit the cleaner button a few minutes into driving. Of course, because it is 2 degrees outside, it froze, completely obstructing my view. I could feel I was starting to panic, so I was quickly trying to turn on the defroster and the wiper blades, and shift all at the same time, and I stalled the car on a major road. I was able to pull off onto the shoulder and get started again, but right at that moment, the GPS unit died, leaving me with no idea how to get to the bank. I could tell a full blown panic attack was coming on, so I turned around and headed back home so I could have my panic attack in the safety of my house.

After the attacks pass, I get this "panic hangover," and honestly all I want is comfort food. I knew I shouldn't do it, I even said to my husband "It is just going to make me feel worse later." But I couldn't stop. I needed the comfort food to calm me down. So, I did. I had pizza for dinner and some shortbread cookies and a diet coke. And it did help calm me, but I do feel guilty about it and I know I am going to regret it in the morning when I weigh myself.

I do know that this is not a healthy way to deal with my stress and anxiety, and I know that nights like tonight have played a major factor in my weight gain. In order to have successful and sustaining weight loss, I need to find other ways to deal with my anxiety. (Anyone have a Xanax?)